Self-sabotage can ruin even the best relationships. But there is a way to stop this harmful pattern.
- Self-sabotage makes people act in ways that damage their relationships
- It often stems from setting unconscious limits on how much love is allowed
- Using a mindset tool can help overcome these self-sabotaging behaviours
- Recognizing sabotage moments and consciously allowing more love is key
Does pushing your partner away or creating conflicts over minor issues sound familiar? If so, you may be self-sabotaging. Read on to change this destructive cycle.
What is Self-Sabotage in Relationships?
Examples of Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
Self-sabotage means doing or saying things that negatively impact a relationship, often without realizing it at the time. Some examples:
- Getting angry over a minor issue like being a few minutes late
- Questioning your partner’s intentions or motives unnecessarily
- Pulling back or distancing yourself emotionally for no apparent reason
- Picking fights or creating drama over nothing significant
These behaviours can prevent a relationship from progressing or ultimately lead to its downfall.
The Root Cause: Setting an ‘Upper Limit’ on Love
According to psychologists, self-sabotage stems from having an unconscious ‘upper limit’ on how much love and intimacy we allow ourselves. It’s like an internal thermostat.
When things are going well, and love/intimacy rises above what feels comfortable based on past experiences, it triggers a fear response. Self-sabotaging then kicks in to cool down those warm feelings.
Overcoming Self-Sabotage Using Mindfulness
Step 1: Notice the Self-Sabotaging Thoughts/Behaviors
Photo Credit – Freepik
The first step is to become aware of your thoughts and actions. When you start feeling upset, anxious, or the urge to lash out, pause and observe.
Think: “Am I having thoughts of rejecting love right now?” or “Was I just feeling really positive energy in my relationship before this?”
Noticing the self-sabotaging patterns as they happen is crucial for disrupting the cycle.
Step 2: Consciously Allow More Love and Intimacy
Once you’ve recognized a self-sabotaging moment, it’s time to override that inner thermostat safety switch. Do this through a simple mindfulness exercise:
- Take a deep, calming breath
- Visualize opening your heart chakra by spreading your arms wide
- Imagine you are allowing more love and positive energy to flow in
- Affirm statements like “I can handle this much intimacy” or “More love is safe.”
This trains your unconscious mind to accept higher levels of intimacy without self-sabotage.
Sticking With It Pays Off
Be patient – it takes practice to update those old limiting beliefs around love permanently. But sticking with these two steps leads to more fulfilling, secure relationships.
Conclusion
Self-sabotage is often an unconscious attempt to keep intimacy at comfortable levels based on past experiences. However, it prevents relationships from reaching their full potential.
The key is recognizing self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviours and consciously choosing to allow more love and closeness through mindfulness. With time, this expands your inner limits for how much positive energy a relationship can contain.
Can you open yourself to more love and intimacy without self-sabotage? The rewards of deeper connection are immense when you do.
Photo Credit – Pexels
