Relationships can be hard when you and your partner have different expectations. Sometimes, you may want your partner to do certain things more or less often. Here are the key points for communicating your needs clearly:
- Don’t make vague requests like “invest more in the relationship.”
- Be specific about what you want, like how often to spend time together
- Frame it positively by asking for more of what you enjoy
- Give your partner a clear goal, so they know when they’ve succeeded
Could you use some tips on telling your partner exactly what you want in the relationship? Keep reading!
Don’t Beat Around the Bush
It’s common to feel unsatisfied about something in the relationship, but only make a vague request. For example, saying “I want you to invest more in our relationship.” But what does that actually mean?
If you don’t explain the specifics, your partner is left confused about what to actually do differently. They have no clear target for knowing when they’ve met your desired level of “investing” in the relationship.
Get Specific with Your Ask
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The solution is to get crystal clear about the changed behavior you want to see from your partner. Don’t just say you want “more quality time” – specify something concrete like:
“I would love it if we could spend time together once or twice a week instead of every other week.”
With that direct request, your partner knows exactly what hitting the mark looks like for you. They can then make an effort to adjust their schedule and habits to meet the clearly defined needs.
Frame It Positively
When making your request, frame it in a positive way, focusing on what you enjoy rather than complaining about the past. For example:
“Hey, I love the time we spend together, and I’ve been wanting more of that lately. Would you be willing to hang out once or twice a week?”
This motivates your partner to deliver more of something good rather than correcting for mistakes. It taps into their desire to make you happy in the relationship.
Give Your Partner a Mission
Ultimately, explaining your need clearly gives your partner a goal or “mission” to achieve. As the example showed, the woman’s partner readily shifted his busy schedule to see her twice weekly once he understood that specific request.
Men, especially, tend to be goal-oriented and motivated by clear targets to hit. When you spell out the desired change precisely, it allows your partner to take concrete action towards a defined outcome that fulfills you.
Summing It Up
Healthy relationships require ongoing work to understand each other’s needs and make adjustments over time. By making specific, positive requests that lay out a clear goal, you give your partner the best chance at hitting the mark.
The next time there’s a change you want in your relationship, can you state it in an exact, constructive way? Doing so goes a long way towards improving your bond and satisfaction.
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