You like this new person you’re seeing. But something feels off. Here are the key signs they may be emotionally unavailable:
- They avoid deep conversations and vulnerability
- They can’t handle when you express emotions
- Things feel hot and cold – they pull away when it gets too close
- Everything seems surface level and too positive
- They shut down rather than open up about their past
We’ll explain these signs and why emotional unavailability happens. Please keep reading to learn how to spot it early on.
It Starts Fun and Exciting
Relationships with emotionally unavailable people often begin well. There are laughs, flirting, and feeling swept off your feet. You’re thinking, ‘Wow, this is amazing!’
But at some point, things change. Your new partner starts acting distant. The deep connection you crave never develops. Why? Because they are keeping you at arm’s length.
The Root Cause: Fear of Intimacy
Photo Credit – Freepik
When someone is emotionally unavailable, it stems from a deep fearโa fear of being hurt, rejected, or not being enough. These fears often start in childhood.
Maybe the person’s parents didn’t give them the love and care kids need. This shapes a core belief: “I’m unlovable, and if I get too close, I’ll be rejected.”
To protect themselves, emotionally unavailable adults avoid true intimacy. As things progress, their fears kick in. So they put on the brakes before the bond deepens too far.
5 Signs They’re Emotionally Unavailable
1. Everything Is Light and Positive All the Time
It’s great to be with an upbeat partner but watch for someone who always keeps things positive and fun. Do they ever discuss frustrations, struggles, or deeper topics? Probably not.
Life isn’t all sunshine. An emotionally available person can handle the serious stuff, too. If your partner avoids anything beyond the surface level, take note.
2. They Change the Subject When It Gets Vulnerable
Your partner may discuss work, current events, or other safe, serious topics. But do they clam up when things become personally emotional or vulnerable?
Emotionally unavailable people often:
- Change the subject abruptly
- Make an awkward joke to lighten the mood
- Get irritated or shut down completely
Opening up about feelings, family, or their past is too uncomfortable.
3. They Can’t Handle Your Emotions
How does your partner respond when you’re upset, sad, or frustrated? Emotionally available people can hold space for difficult emotions, even if imperfectly.
But the emotionally unavailable person? They’re like fingernails on a chalkboard. Processing deep feelings, even yours, is way too much. So they may disappear until you’re cheerful again.
4. They Pull Away When Things Get Too Good
Here’s an odd sign: Everything feels wonderful, and you’re both blissfully happy. Then, out of nowhere, your partner starts acting distant and cold.
Why? Deep down, they panic because it’s getting too close and serious. Their fear of intimacy pulls them back from the warm feelings they crave.
5. They Keep You at the Surface Level
Do you feel like there’s an invisible boundary with this person? Can you never get past polite, pleasant conversation into something truly deep and vulnerable?
This is the emotionally unavailable partner’s default. Keeping relationships light and uncommitted is how they stay safe from potential hurt.
The Bottom Line
Learning someone is emotionally unavailable can be disappointing. But spotting the signs early saves you from wasting time and energy.
Don’t try to heal or fix an emotionally unavailable partner. Instead, look for someone who has already worked through their fears and can show up fully. True intimacy requires both people to be emotionally available.
Does this resonate with your experience dating? We want to hear your thoughts!
Photo Credit – Freepik