Do you often worry that your romantic partner will leave or stop loving you? If so, you may have an anxious attachment style that makes it hard to feel secure in relationships.
Key Takeaways:
- An anxious attachment style means you have trouble trusting your partner’s feelings
- It often stems from childhood experiences of inconsistent love and care
- But you can overcome anxious attachment by building self-confidence
- Calming anxious thoughts and developing healthy beliefs about love are key
- With work, you can have secure, stable relationships without constant worry
What is an anxious attachment style?
People with an anxious attachment style frequently feel insecure and worried in their romantic relationships. Even when everything appears to be going well, they find it difficult to trust that their partner truly loves them. They fear the relationship will end and their partner will abandon them.
Where does it come from?
This anxious way of relating often starts in childhood. Kids whose parents were inconsistent with love, affection and emotional support can develop anxious attachment. They don’t learn that others will be dependably caring and affectionate toward them.
Traumatic relationship experiences in adulthood can also contribute to an anxious attachment style. Getting your heart broken can make you fearful of being hurt again.
Signs of an anxious attachment style
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Some common signs you may have an anxious attachment style include:
- Worrying constantly that your partner will leave you
- Needing a lot of reassurance and praise from your partner
- Getting very upset or clingy when your partner is independent or distant
- Struggling to be happy and present when things are going well
- Negative thoughts like ‘This is too good to be true, so it will end badly.’
This anxiety usually gets stronger the closer you become to someone. Early on, things may seem fine. But the more emotionally invested you get, the harder it is to relax and trust.
Overcoming anxious attachment: Tips to try
While anxious attachment can make relationships difficult, you can learn to overcome it. Here are some tips that can help:
1. Notice anxiety vs intuition
When you have worried thoughts, pause and identify if they are fear-based anxiety or your intuition. Anxiety feels frantic and aggressive, while intuition has a calmer feeling of guidance.
2. Find your inner peace.
Look for something other than total reassurance from your partner. Instead, cultivate self-confidence by believing, “If it’s meant to be, it will work out. But no matter what, I can handle this with strength.”
3. Question your beliefs
Anxious attachment is rooted in beliefs like people always leave from past experiences. But you can build new beliefs like I am worthy of lasting love to replace the old fears.
4. Be mindful
When you notice anxious thoughts arising, could you not dwell on them? Breathe, re-centre yourself in the present moment, and let the worries pass without fueling them.
5. Get support
Therapy, journaling, and loved ones can provide an understanding space to work through anxious attachment issues and build self-esteem.
With patience and inner work, you can heal.
An anxious attachment pattern is very challenging but not a permanent state. By developing self-compassion, noticing your worried thoughts, and taking steps to reframe unhealthy beliefs, you can learn to have secure, stable relationships.
Do you feel more hopeful that you can overcome anxious attachment and find lasting love? The journey is challenging, but it’s possible with the right mindset and commitment.
Photo Credit – Freepik
